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[英语情景剧剧本] 《孔雀东南飞》(英文搞笑话剧)

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发表在  2019-10-14 19:51:50  | 显示全部楼层 | 阅读模式
  1. Wanderseveryfivemiles
  2. 焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
  3. 焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
  4. 太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

  5. Prologue
  6. (J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
  7. J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
  8. wifeisWuSong.
  9. (指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
  10. (内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
  11. MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
  12. smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
  13. thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
  14. (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
  15. MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)


  16. Act1
  17. (序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
  18. JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
  19. (对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
  20. L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
  21. JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
  22. dearestmother-in-law”.
  23. L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
  24. JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
  25. lazy……
  26. L:But……
  27. JM:Neverinterruptme!
  28. L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
  29. daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
  30. and……
  31. JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
  32. L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
  33. son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

  34. Act2
  35. (LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
  36. L:Mum,I’mback!
  37. LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
  38. L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
  39. LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
  40. marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
  41. tome.Lookatyourself……
  42. L:But,mum……
  43. LM:Neverinterruptme!
  44. L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And
  45. I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
  46. LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
  47. Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
  48. andtellhim.(下)
  49. L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅
  50. 铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

  51. Act3
  52. (J睡眼惺忪上)
  53. J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
  54. (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
  55. (突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
  56. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围  
  57.  裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
  58. shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
  59. JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
  60. J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
  61. JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
  62. girl,goandtakeherback!
  63. J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

  64. Act4
  65. (J开心地走着,忽然跳出来三个强盗)
  66. A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
  67. Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
  68. B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
  69. C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头,但踩到了A的脚)
  70. AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
  71. J(搜遍了每一个口袋,掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
  72. (三强盗晕倒状,接着三人聚在一边商量)
  73. A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
  74. B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
  75. C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand
  76. robthewedding!
  77. A&B:Goodidea!
  78. J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
  79. AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
  80. J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
  81. (突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
  82.  withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.
  83. B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
  84. J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票,上书$1,000,000)

  85. Act5
  86. (转眼已到了婚礼之期.MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上,J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
  87. (J和三强盗跃至台中)
  88. ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
  89. A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
  90. B:AndIplantedonetree.
  91. C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
  92. J:Giveusallyourmoney!
  93. (L听到J的声音,掀起了盖头)
  94. L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
  95. (MS大怒,挥拳向J打来.J矮身一躲,MS打中了J身后的L,L晕倒)
  96. J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!(挥拳向MS冲去)
  97. (J与MS混战,JM上,以拐杖击晕MS)
  98. (J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
  99. J(扶起L,关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
  100. L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
  101. J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
  102. L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
  103. (音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)
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